Colossians 3:19 tells husbands to love their wives and not to become bitter toward them. Paul is giving practical instruction about how Christians should treat one another inside the household, and this verse speaks directly to the husband’s responsibility to show steady, self-giving love and to resist harsh resentment. It was written by the apostle Paul, traditionally regarded as the author of this letter, to the church in Colossae, a congregation in what is now western Turkey.
Husbands, love your wives, and don’t be bitter against them.
Colossians 3:19 (WEB)
What Colossians 3:19 Means
The first command, “love your wives,” asks for more than a feeling. In the New Testament, the word for love used here points to a committed, chosen devotion that acts for another person’s good, whether or not the feeling is strong on a given day. The verse does not describe a mood a husband must manufacture; it describes a direction his life should face toward his wife.
The second command, “don’t be bitter against them,” names the opposite danger. Bitterness is a settled resentment that hardens over time, often from unspoken hurts, unmet expectations, or small irritations left to grow. Paul sees it as something that can creep into a marriage and poison the way a husband speaks and acts. The verse asks husbands to deal with resentment honestly before it hardens.
What the verse does not do is give a complete manual for marriage or promise that a loving husband will always have a happy wife. It names two postures a husband is responsible for, love and the refusal of bitterness, and leaves the rest of the marriage’s shape to the wider teaching of Scripture and to the couple’s own wisdom before God.
The Context of Colossians 3:19
Colossians was written to a church Paul had not personally founded, to correct and encourage believers who were drifting toward unnecessary religious rules and away from Christ himself. By the third chapter, Paul has moved from doctrine into daily life, telling believers to put on compassion, kindness, and patience, and to let Christ’s peace rule their hearts. The household instructions that follow are part of that same picture of a life shaped by Jesus.
Verses 18 through 22 form a set of paired instructions for wives and husbands, children and fathers, and servants and masters. Verse 19 sits between Paul’s words to wives and his words to children, and the pairing matters. Paul is not describing a rigid hierarchy in which one side owes everything and the other owes nothing. Each party is given a responsibility before God, and the husband’s command to love and avoid bitterness is his own obligation, not a mere reply to his wife’s conduct.
Key Phrases in Colossians 3:19
Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it…
(WEB)
Paul uses a similar command here and grounds it in Christ’s sacrificial love for the church. Reading it alongside Colossians 3:19 shows that a husband’s love is measured by Christ’s self-giving example rather than by convenience or mood.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5
4 Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, 5 doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil…
(WEB)
This passage describes love’s patient, kind, and non-resentful character in concrete terms. It helps fill out what it looks like to love without keeping a record of wrongs, which is the heart of the warning against bitterness.
A Short Prayer From Colossians 3:19
Lord, you have loved me with a steady, patient love that never gave up on me. Teach me to love my wife in that same way, with care that acts even when I am tired or hurt. When resentment starts to take root in my heart, show me the cause and give me the courage to speak honestly and forgive freely. Soften whatever has grown hard in me, and let my home be a place where your love is seen. Help me trust you with the parts of my marriage I cannot fix on my own. Amen.
